The Month my life fell apart….

This post comes from a very difficult place but I feel like I finally have reached a place when I can talk about it.

I haven’t updated in a while and I know this happens alot and I swear it will never happen again blah blah blah..
but I took my dad to hospital on July 15th, 4 days before my birthday as he had trouble breathing… the events that followed have completely destroyed my heart and soul.

My dad who suffers with Alzheimer’s and diagnosed with Diabetes was having issues breathing and so I made him go to A&E. when we got to our local hospital there was no A&E department but a nursed checked him over and called an ambulance. it was at the Hospital with an A&E department that we found out my dad was having an Hyperglycaemic episode which was triggered by a minor heart attack a couple days before. there was fluid on his lungs from the complications and before they could do anything the fluid had to go. he was kept in hospital for the next few days, my birthday I went to see him, he seemed fine, his normal happy self, he had a little issue when he go caught up in the wires monitoring his heart but he was overall okay, the fluid just about gone he was ready to have someone look at his heart to help make it stronger.
The next day on July 20th my dad was rushed into Theatre after suffering a much larger heart attack and that it when he passed away, his heart would not start again. I got to the hospital with my sister and a nurse sat us down and told us that they did everything that they could but he didn’t make it. It was in that moment that I just felt my whole life crumble and disappear before me.

My dad was one of a kind, he raised 2 girls on his own. I was 11 months old when our mum left and my dad was my whole world, when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he protested he was fine but I couldn’t leave him, I had to make sure he was taking his medication and attending appointments.

Losing my dad is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience and we’re nearly a month on and everyday I feel my heart break more and more. I’m still hoping someone will tell me this is all just a bad dream and he’ll be here when I get home from work.
I never realised someone could feel this broken.

I am trying to heal so in this time I don’t know where I’m going fitness wise, I am trying but it’s hard. I’m not making promises to be updating here.

Right now I need my friends and my family.

July and Hello Summer

Hello Summer,
At least there is one thing as of late the weather has been beautiful!

Getting back into the habit of going to the gym, as and when I can.

I have stopped my meetings at WW (in an attempt to save some monies) but I am continuing online only. This means my scales have changed back to the ones I had at home and as I put on weight…

I am 317lbs! that is 22st 9lbs…
Slowly going back up to where I started in Feb last year and I really don’t have an excuse for it. Depression and crap and just generally not looking after myself.

I’ve emptied my wardrobe of everything that doesn’t fit me, too big and it’s off to the charity shop, too small and it’s gone into a bag under my bed, out of sight, out of mind. (or so they say) the idea is if the there is next to nothing in my wardrobe and I cannot afford to buy new clothes then I need to look after myself.
And by that I also mean make myself accountable for everything that I do.

I will now be updating this site at least twice a week as I need to keep on top of things which means saying no when the girls at work suggest a McDonald’s Breakfast Wrap in the mornings (omg they taste so good!!!) No more trips to McDonald’s around the corner from house either…

Time to make myself accountable!

Summer didn’t last long….

Hey you lovely blog followers,
For those of you in the UK, you’ll agree the weather this week has been CRAZY! so hot and I was stuck in work for all of it (OMG… TOO HOT) we’re not used to heat like that here but it seems to have come to an end, just about.

I have a few things to update you with,

I haven’t been back to a meeting as I just don’t have the time to go, So i think i’m going to go back to online only WW ( it is cheaper after all)

secondly I’ve organised a night of dinner and drinks with a couple of my best friends from work, I’ve bought a new dress, in a size smaller than I was and it’s a tight fit dress, like on purpose… I doubt I will look as good as the model I saw it on but I’m happy with it πŸ™‚

lastly… I went shopping the other day and I saw something pretty that I really wanted but don’t do in my size (well that i’m used to) but determination face on..
I bought it in the largest size they do and with an aim to fit in it AND feel confident in it…
Drum Roll……
Snapchat-442471818
*GULP*

Fingers crossed this plan goes well.

SO far so good…

Will update again soon πŸ™‚

Hello June…

June is here and we’ve had a revamp of the page.

New month, fresh eyes and planning on sharing more, getting my thoughts etc out there to help with my mental health which hopefully has an effect on my physical health πŸ™‚

I now have a domain for my blog… welcome to fattofit789.com πŸ™‚ Β It’s great to have you here.

Now one thing I have added is a countdown.
This is for my milestones, My next one is my 28th Birthday and we are 48 days away.
In that time I am setting myself a goal…

Lose 20lbs!

I know this is a big ask, I can only really base it on my home scales as I still haven’t made it to WeightWatchers meeting yet and the next one will be next Friday *gulp*

So I am hoping worst case to be about 290lbs for my Birthday. (this is 13lbs less than I was at last WW meeting) so I have given myself around a 7lbs buffer. I don’t think I am now 7lbs more than i was in my last meeting but can never be too sure.

feeling much better counting my food again too πŸ™‚

Bring it on πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

But it was my ‘Day Off’

A day off work does not mean a day off weight loss…

This became very apparent to me this week, just look at my daily step totals from Monday to Saturday….
I worked Monday, Wednesday – Friday; When I work I walk to my local train station, which is slightly longer route at the moment due to road works (yay :/) I then walk from the train station in the town where I work to the building I work in, I spend a lot of my day walking from one side of the office to the other or on occasion climbing the stairs to get to the next floor cause the lift takes to long (wait! picking walking upstairs over getting the lift? am i nuts??) then I do the reverse walk home.


Then Saturday, Which was my day off, I went to Swansea Comic con, Which was a little further out of town than I thought it would be, Then as I walked into town there was an awesome band playing in the square, so I sat and listened to them for a little while, before popping into work, seeing some work friends who were stuck there for the day and then took the trip back home, I cannot believe that when I got home I had walked 17k steps, I was truly amazed.

So I have decided on my days off I need to get up off my bum and do more, doing more can be fun πŸ™‚

Also In 2 weeks I lost a total of 10lbs, It slowed down in the second week but I’m still pretty chuffed with that, I just cannot wait to find out what that means in terms of the scales in WW meeting but we shall soon see.

I’ve taken the decision also to move off No Count and to go back onto counting, The reason for this is because I am quite fussy with food and the things I like on the no count which are ideal for me to take to work ends up being the same thing everyday and I like variety, so I think I would rather count and mix it up a bit, don’t want to be living off chicken and couscous forever (even if it does taste lush)

I think that sums up the update, but overall I’m pretty happy with how things are going, just got to remember slow and steady wins the race.

A Totally Different Place…

The last time I sat here to write it was when I was in a really bad place some 4/5 weeks ago.

I was shut off from the world and unable to get my mind away from anything, I was making myself worse by not paying attention to food and who cares if I ate chocolate it’s my body I will do what I like with it etc etc…

I know I have Β put weight on, by how much? I don’t know. My home scales are different to those from WeightWatchers, So It’s hard to say where I am now to where I was, But I can say that in the last 9 days I have lost 7lbs! this is the kick up the rear I really needed, I’m eating better and feeling better.

Overall I had 3 weeks off work sick due to migraines and changing medication but since then I have been in a much better place both mentally and physically this is despite Spraining my knee… This would be typical of me, My whole body moved and my knee decided to stay where it was, Had to be stubborn :p but other than that i am doing loads better, most days hitting my step goal and work is going by just fine.

so really just a quick update to say that i am doing a lot better and getting back on track.

Losing weight isn’t just about the Physical but also the Mental!!

Health and Wellbeing… What Happened??

This post is a hard one to write.

I have been in such an awful place since September. Having a seizure and ending up in hospital and temporarily losing my ability to speak has really affected me.

I have suffered with depression for some time, About 14 years or so. But these last 6 months have been awful. I hate who I am and what happens to me, The more stressed or upset I get the more my brain seems to shut down on me and it’s the scariest thing I have ever been through. A Neurologist believes I am now suffering with Migraines as a result of the seizure and I’m finally now on Beta Blockers. I had a Blood Test in January, the message I got back said that the test was ‘fine’ but Thursday on my way to work I collapsed. I went dizzy and I was gone. The first time this has happened, I was on my own and I was scared. so No work and off to the Doctor’s. The Doctor informed me my Folic Acid levels are low which he established from the test in January.

The main reason for everything I have been doing this last year is not to be skinny but to be healthy and I feel like my body and my mind is giving up on me. I’m scared and Don’t know what to do. I’m trying to eat right but I’ve taken a step back from the gym as I’m so scared to be there and for something to happen and I get hurt or worse hurt someone else.

Part of me thinks that the Doctor’s aren’t taking me seriously but I can only go by their professional opinions on what is wrong with me. Everything is linked to the seizure and I’ve always been good with words and thoughts and now I’m Β not… I’m not me.

All I want to do is cry and no one knows…
How can I tell people that I want to cry because my mind feels broken? There are people going through worse, this could be temporary…. but it might not be.

What can I do??