Things don’t always turn out as expected…

Bonjourno and a VERY happy Heatwave to you…

So here we are 3 weeks since I decided to get back on plan.
I have lost 4lbs which doesn’t seem like a lot I know but for me it’s huge.
I lost 2lbs in week 1, 2lbs in week 2 and maintained in week 3.

Normally at this stage a maintain would crush me, but a maintain is better than a gain and it’s very much a case of looking at the positives.

So..

I am now 23st 8lbs and It’s coming down, slowly but I’m on my way…

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We’re All Battling Demons… My Demon is Cake…

Here we are long time no see…

I’ve been very up and down of the last few months, attempting to diet but there’s always something.

We all have reasons as to why we’re FAT Mine is I LIKE FOOD. It is literally that simple! The biggest problem with being such a fan of food is that when life starts getting me down, food is my comfort… Junk Food is the be all and end all when all I want to do is lay in bed and hide away from the world and whatever drama I have this time around.

So after being so up and down I finally weighed in… all the weight I lost at the start of the year has piled back on and then some… So I’m now weighing at my heaviest and I’m a grand total of 23st and 12lbs! (334lbs)Β 

I see this and it makes me want to cry… and this is what i now need to break through, I am down and depressed enough as it is, I don’t need my weight to jump on that too. Being fat is making me eat and making me fatter and this is the cycle I need to break and fast. I always start off well on diets and then I just get lazy and down and then I stop caring… A few years ago I weighed in at 305Lbs and I told myself then that that was going to be the heaviest i will EVER be… and now here I am 29lbs heavier and If i keep going this way I am just going to kill myself…
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So…

Time to move away from all the stresses in my life and focus on being healthy. This means avoiding the life and drama’s of my friends… this might sound bad but I have enough to deal with and their issues are affecting me and that isn’t fair, that’s making me fat!

I don’t want to be the fat girl, I want to be the fit, happy healthy curvy girl!!

So here we are at the bottom step (Again) ready to work my way back up.

It’s 2018 and here I am still Heartbroken and still FAT.

I am back… it’s been what? 6 months or so?

I have had a VERY hard time getting my life together after losing my dad, IΒ feel like I’m having a minor break down everyday.

But, I need to get healthy, my dad wouldn’t want me to spend my life eating my way into an early grave, he would like me to be happy and healthy.
So with that in mind I am dedicated to being the person I know I can be.
I have a target of 100lbs for the year, that’s just under 2lbs in a week.

This should be more than achievable, so far so good…. but we are just 4 weeks in.

wish me luck….

The Month my life fell apart….

This post comes from a very difficult place but I feel like I finally have reached a place when I can talk about it.

I haven’t updated in a while and I know this happens alot and I swear it will never happen again blah blah blah..
but I took my dad to hospital on July 15th, 4 days before my birthday as he had trouble breathing… the events that followed have completely destroyed my heart and soul.

My dad who suffers with Alzheimer’s and diagnosed with Diabetes was having issues breathing and so I made him go to A&E. when we got to our local hospital there was no A&E department but a nursed checked him over and called an ambulance. it was at the Hospital with an A&E department that we found out my dad was having an Hyperglycaemic episode which was triggered by a minor heart attack a couple days before. there was fluid on his lungs from the complications and before they could do anything the fluid had to go. he was kept in hospital for the next few days, my birthday I went to see him, he seemed fine, his normal happy self, he had a little issue when he go caught up in the wires monitoring his heart but he was overall okay, the fluid just about gone he was ready to have someone look at his heart to help make it stronger.
The next day on July 20th my dad was rushed into Theatre after suffering a much larger heart attack and that it when he passed away, his heart would not start again. I got to the hospital with my sister and a nurse sat us down and told us that they did everything that they could but he didn’t make it. It was in that moment that I just felt my whole life crumble and disappear before me.

My dad was one of a kind, he raised 2 girls on his own. I was 11 months old when our mum left and my dad was my whole world, when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he protested he was fine but I couldn’t leave him, I had to make sure he was taking his medication and attending appointments.

Losing my dad is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience and we’re nearly a month on and everyday I feel my heart break more and more. I’m still hoping someone will tell me this is all just a bad dream and he’ll be here when I get home from work.
I never realised someone could feel this broken.

I am trying to heal so in this time I don’t know where I’m going fitness wise, I am trying but it’s hard. I’m not making promises to be updating here.

Right now I need my friends and my family.

July and Hello Summer

Hello Summer,
At least there is one thing as of late the weather has been beautiful!

Getting back into the habit of going to the gym, as and when I can.

I have stopped my meetings at WW (in an attempt to save some monies) but I am continuing online only. This means my scales have changed back to the ones I had at home and as I put on weight…

I am 317lbs! that is 22st 9lbs…
Slowly going back up to where I started in Feb last year and I really don’t have an excuse for it. Depression and crap and just generally not looking after myself.

I’ve emptied my wardrobe of everything that doesn’t fit me, too big and it’s off to the charity shop, too small and it’s gone into a bag under my bed, out of sight, out of mind. (or so they say) the idea is if the there is next to nothing in my wardrobe and I cannot afford to buy new clothes then I need to look after myself.
And by that I also mean make myself accountable for everything that I do.

I will now be updating this site at least twice a week as I need to keep on top of things which means saying no when the girls at work suggest a McDonald’s Breakfast Wrap in the mornings (omg they taste so good!!!) No more trips to McDonald’s around the corner from house either…

Time to make myself accountable!

Summer didn’t last long….

Hey you lovely blog followers,
For those of you in the UK, you’ll agree the weather this week has been CRAZY! so hot and I was stuck in work for all of it (OMG… TOO HOT) we’re not used to heat like that here but it seems to have come to an end, just about.

I have a few things to update you with,

I haven’t been back to a meeting as I just don’t have the time to go, So i think i’m going to go back to online only WW ( it is cheaper after all)

secondly I’ve organised a night of dinner and drinks with a couple of my best friends from work, I’ve bought a new dress, in a size smaller than I was and it’s a tight fit dress, like on purpose… I doubt I will look as good as the model I saw it on but I’m happy with it πŸ™‚

lastly… I went shopping the other day and I saw something pretty that I really wanted but don’t do in my size (well that i’m used to) but determination face on..
I bought it in the largest size they do and with an aim to fit in it AND feel confident in it…
Drum Roll……
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*GULP*

Fingers crossed this plan goes well.

SO far so good…

Will update again soon πŸ™‚

Hello June…

June is here and we’ve had a revamp of the page.

New month, fresh eyes and planning on sharing more, getting my thoughts etc out there to help with my mental health which hopefully has an effect on my physical health πŸ™‚

I now have a domain for my blog… welcome to fattofit789.com πŸ™‚ Β It’s great to have you here.

Now one thing I have added is a countdown.
This is for my milestones, My next one is my 28th Birthday and we are 48 days away.
In that time I am setting myself a goal…

Lose 20lbs!

I know this is a big ask, I can only really base it on my home scales as I still haven’t made it to WeightWatchers meeting yet and the next one will be next Friday *gulp*

So I am hoping worst case to be about 290lbs for my Birthday. (this is 13lbs less than I was at last WW meeting) so I have given myself around a 7lbs buffer. I don’t think I am now 7lbs more than i was in my last meeting but can never be too sure.

feeling much better counting my food again too πŸ™‚

Bring it on πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚