Okay so here’s the deal. one blog post only here is going to be mostly non weight related stuff. I have a lot on my mind and i just have nowhere else left to express it, my friends don’t read this so here it is…
I’m not doing okay. I’m due to move away from the home I’ve had for the last 26.5 years of my 26.5 years of my life… I’m moving to the South of Wales which is 171 miles away….
Reasons why this is NOT okay are as follows;
- Instead of being 34 miles from my best friend I will be 139 miles away… and 322 miles from my other best friend instead of 176 miles. I’m not very good with people… I’m not a huge fan of people to be completely honest so when I find people I like, it’s nice to be around them as it’s hard to know when that’s going to happen again… (sorry!)
- I’m alone… I’m always alone, apart from the odd few days I go and see friends, I’m constantly alone. My last relationship ended 2.5 years ago and I’ve not had a second date with anyone in that time… I don’t even know how to act on a date? what to say? what to do? and then I get shitted on by finding out that the last dates I went on… they were already in a relationships. My best friend joined me up to a dating sight and I’m probably messing that up already.
- I don’t know if I’m still going to have a job. I’m waiting to hear back from 2 stores I’ve applied to for a transfer and so far nothing…. I’m due to start on the 25th April but no idea if that is actually going to happen, or if I need to start seeking different employment, but either way I’m having to start from the bottom as I’ve been trying to progress for so long it’s starting to feel like it’s not worth it.
- My sister and my Nephew’s currently live 8 miles away, I’ve watched them all grow up and now, I’m hardly going to see them and that breaks my heart.
- I have never reacted well with stress, I’ve been bottling this up for weeks and honestly I’m writing this as I feel ready to explode. I have no idea where my life is headed and I need to save up money to go back to uni to do what I actually want to do, but every year I get older and every year it seems further and further away.
I’m sure there are some positives to the move, for a start there is more to do there and far more to see. right now though I just don’t want to go. I understand it’s for the best and things will be so much easier for my dad and he gets to see more of his grandchild, I just feel selfish for thinking about me and what effects it has on my life and the thing that scares me the most is, I think I’m going to end up alone… It’s been on my mind alot the past few months but I found out a couple years ago (around the time my last relationship ended) that I cannot have kids, I’m never going to be a mum. For someone who has never wanted kids, it really fucking hurts….
What I need is for someone to just tell me everything will be okay and a hug or 2 would help. I know if I’m not okay I should just say so but I don’t want to unload my crap on other people. I don’t expect anyone to read this but it does feel better to get it out in the open…
So I’m going to end this post with a positive note;
I lost 3lbs this week.