mental health

The Month my life fell apart….

This post comes from a very difficult place but I feel like I finally have reached a place when I can talk about it.

I haven’t updated in a while and I know this happens alot and I swear it will never happen again blah blah blah..
but I took my dad to hospital on July 15th, 4 days before my birthday as he had trouble breathing… the events that followed have completely destroyed my heart and soul.

My dad who suffers with Alzheimer’s and diagnosed with Diabetes was having issues breathing and so I made him go to A&E. when we got to our local hospital there was no A&E department but a nursed checked him over and called an ambulance. it was at the Hospital with an A&E department that we found out my dad was having an Hyperglycaemic episode which was triggered by a minor heart attack a couple days before. there was fluid on his lungs from the complications and before they could do anything the fluid had to go. he was kept in hospital for the next few days, my birthday I went to see him, he seemed fine, his normal happy self, he had a little issue when he go caught up in the wires monitoring his heart but he was overall okay, the fluid just about gone he was ready to have someone look at his heart to help make it stronger.
The next day on July 20th my dad was rushed into Theatre after suffering a much larger heart attack and that it when he passed away, his heart would not start again. I got to the hospital with my sister and a nurse sat us down and told us that they did everything that they could but he didn’t make it. It was in that moment that I just felt my whole life crumble and disappear before me.

My dad was one of a kind, he raised 2 girls on his own. I was 11 months old when our mum left and my dad was my whole world, when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he protested he was fine but I couldn’t leave him, I had to make sure he was taking his medication and attending appointments.

Losing my dad is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience and we’re nearly a month on and everyday I feel my heart break more and more. I’m still hoping someone will tell me this is all just a bad dream and he’ll be here when I get home from work.
I never realised someone could feel this broken.

I am trying to heal so in this time I don’t know where I’m going fitness wise, I am trying but it’s hard. I’m not making promises to be updating here.

Right now I need my friends and my family.

1 thought on “The Month my life fell apart….”

  1. Just want to say I’m sorry for your loss. I lost someone close to me recently too. I think there comes a point when it’s not the 1st thing you think about when you wake up, and a time when you can have a little smile when something you remember about them pops into your head. Hang in there.

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