A Totally Different Place…

The last time I sat here to write it was when I was in a really bad place some 4/5 weeks ago.

I was shut off from the world and unable to get my mind away from anything, I was making myself worse by not paying attention to food and who cares if I ate chocolate it’s my body I will do what I like with it etc etc…

I know I have ┬áput weight on, by how much? I don’t know. My home scales are different to those from WeightWatchers, So It’s hard to say where I am now to where I was, But I can say that in the last 9 days I have lost 7lbs! this is the kick up the rear I really needed, I’m eating better and feeling better.

Overall I had 3 weeks off work sick due to migraines and changing medication but since then I have been in a much better place both mentally and physically this is despite Spraining my knee… This would be typical of me, My whole body moved and my knee decided to stay where it was, Had to be stubborn :p but other than that i am doing loads better, most days hitting my step goal and work is going by just fine.

so really just a quick update to say that i am doing a lot better and getting back on track.

Losing weight isn’t just about the Physical but also the Mental!!

Health and Wellbeing… What Happened??

This post is a hard one to write.

I have been in such an awful place since September. Having a seizure and ending up in hospital and temporarily losing my ability to speak has really affected me.

I have suffered with depression for some time, About 14 years or so. But these last 6 months have been awful. I hate who I am and what happens to me, The more stressed or upset I get the more my brain seems to shut down on me and it’s the scariest thing I have ever been through. A Neurologist believes I am now suffering with Migraines as a result of the seizure and I’m finally now on Beta Blockers. I had a Blood Test in January, the message I got back said that the test was ‘fine’ but Thursday on my way to work I collapsed. I went dizzy and I was gone. The first time this has happened, I was on my own and I was scared. so No work and off to the Doctor’s. The Doctor informed me my Folic Acid levels are low which he established from the test in January.

The main reason for everything I have been doing this last year is not to be skinny but to be healthy and I feel like my body and my mind is giving up on me. I’m scared and Don’t know what to do. I’m trying to eat right but I’ve taken a step back from the gym as I’m so scared to be there and for something to happen and I get hurt or worse hurt someone else.

Part of me thinks that the Doctor’s aren’t taking me seriously but I can only go by their professional opinions on what is wrong with me. Everything is linked to the seizure and I’ve always been good with words and thoughts and now I’m ┬ánot… I’m not me.

All I want to do is cry and no one knows…
How can I tell people that I want to cry because my mind feels broken? There are people going through worse, this could be temporary…. but it might not be.

What can I do??