This post is a hard one to write.
I have been in such an awful place since September. Having a seizure and ending up in hospital and temporarily losing my ability to speak has really affected me.
I have suffered with depression for some time, About 14 years or so. But these last 6 months have been awful. I hate who I am and what happens to me, The more stressed or upset I get the more my brain seems to shut down on me and it’s the scariest thing I have ever been through. A Neurologist believes I am now suffering with Migraines as a result of the seizure and I’m finally now on Beta Blockers. I had a Blood Test in January, the message I got back said that the test was ‘fine’ but Thursday on my way to work I collapsed. I went dizzy and I was gone. The first time this has happened, I was on my own and I was scared. so No work and off to the Doctor’s. The Doctor informed me my Folic Acid levels are low which he established from the test in January.
The main reason for everything I have been doing this last year is not to be skinny but to be healthy and I feel like my body and my mind is giving up on me. I’m scared and Don’t know what to do. I’m trying to eat right but I’ve taken a step back from the gym as I’m so scared to be there and for something to happen and I get hurt or worse hurt someone else.
Part of me thinks that the Doctor’s aren’t taking me seriously but I can only go by their professional opinions on what is wrong with me. Everything is linked to the seizure and I’ve always been good with words and thoughts and now I’m not… I’m not me.
All I want to do is cry and no one knows…
How can I tell people that I want to cry because my mind feels broken? There are people going through worse, this could be temporary…. but it might not be.
What can I do??
I lost 4Lbs!!!
not the 14 I was aiming for but I was ill for a couple days, got sent home from work and well dropping out of routine does make things worse. but I lost the 2.5 i put on and then lost a lil more.
Not too shabby 🙂
Total loss of 5Lbs so far… but i start meetings Friday 3rd Feb.
I’ve set a new goal, 10Lbs to lose in 2 weeks – before Sunday 5th Feb. those 10lbs will mean I have lost 10% of weight in 1 whole year.
Which isn’t too bad after the rubbish back and forth I had from July til now.
wish me luck… couple more weeks til a picture comparison… *gulp*
Okay so I weighed in on Sunday…
okay so it was a bad week BUT it’s only terrible if i let it get to me…
so I haven’t.
I’ve decided to leave my weeklies, concentrate on dailies (within 3 points below) and then if I really NEED my weeklies I shall have them in abundance…
for example if i have a craving… better if I can settle that than to deprive myself… or if the guys from work invite me out for a meal, I’m safe.
okay so the competition between my sister and I… I won the first round.
It’s every fortnight so last weeks weigh in set a benchmark for this week’s…
My sister LOST 7.5LBS!!! and I put on 2! so in order to win the weigh this week, I have to lose 10lbs… PLUS 1lbs more than my sister does *gulp*
14lbs is a brave target – i’m aiming high but not going to dwell if i don’t make it.
Slowly but surely I am getting there, I have lost 5lbs since coming out of hospital, it isn’t a lot but it’s coming down and that’s the main thing.
Being out of work is causing me far more stress and has made me far more depressed that I thought it would. I’ve cancelled my gym membership as I can no longer afford it but I have been trying to get out and run and as it gets colder the want and need to stay inside in the warm is ever increasing. but I keep trying, and the craving for chocolate has started to dwindle, Diet back on track, Exercise back on track and I’ll get there.
I’m not giving up. I refuse to give up. I’ve come too far to give up now.
wouldn’t say no to having someone nag me right now…
BUT I am getting there… Slowly….
I just thought I needed to give a keep post update to say I haven’t gone anywhere. This post maybe awful as it’s all via my tablet instead of laptop cause I don’t really have that to hand….
So what’s been going on?
Well I’m still sticking to weighwatchers where I can. I left Leicestershire but the new house in South Wales we can’t move into til Thursday… So I live and work here but all my stuff is in storage (yay?)
So. No weigh in yet. As of the move etc I won’t be weighing in this week either. So Friday next week will be my first official weigh in. My weigh in day will then continue to be a Friday as I’ll have my own scales back so no more big shout machine. So I shall update in 12 days 🙂