This post is a hard one to write.
I have been in such an awful place since September. Having a seizure and ending up in hospital and temporarily losing my ability to speak has really affected me.
I have suffered with depression for some time, About 14 years or so. But these last 6 months have been awful. I hate who I am and what happens to me, The more stressed or upset I get the more my brain seems to shut down on me and it’s the scariest thing I have ever been through. A Neurologist believes I am now suffering with Migraines as a result of the seizure and I’m finally now on Beta Blockers. I had a Blood Test in January, the message I got back said that the test was ‘fine’ but Thursday on my way to work I collapsed. I went dizzy and I was gone. The first time this has happened, I was on my own and I was scared. so No work and off to the Doctor’s. The Doctor informed me my Folic Acid levels are low which he established from the test in January.
The main reason for everything I have been doing this last year is not to be skinny but to be healthy and I feel like my body and my mind is giving up on me. I’m scared and Don’t know what to do. I’m trying to eat right but I’ve taken a step back from the gym as I’m so scared to be there and for something to happen and I get hurt or worse hurt someone else.
Part of me thinks that the Doctor’s aren’t taking me seriously but I can only go by their professional opinions on what is wrong with me. Everything is linked to the seizure and I’ve always been good with words and thoughts and now I’m not… I’m not me.
All I want to do is cry and no one knows…
How can I tell people that I want to cry because my mind feels broken? There are people going through worse, this could be temporary…. but it might not be.
What can I do??
So here I am updating my blog for the first time in over 2 months (as it was pointed out to me… sorry 😦 )
So what’s been happening? I’ve been working long days and experiencing some issues that I believed were resulted in my hospital stay in September.
I’ve been going to WW meetings, actually being weighed by other people is scary, but I’m going, and still going, I had a few slip ups and I think that was stress, so in all I’ve lost 3lbs in the last 6 weeks, I know it isn’t much but it’s something.
I saw my neurologist on Wednesday who thinks I’m suffering migraines which is causing all the issues i’m having so, i’m being put on medication for that. I’m so relieved. I can finally put my mind at rest.
So… This is just a quick update to say I am still here and still working on things.
And to celebrate spring… “Bikini body here I come” hahaha
I lost 4Lbs!!!
not the 14 I was aiming for but I was ill for a couple days, got sent home from work and well dropping out of routine does make things worse. but I lost the 2.5 i put on and then lost a lil more.
Not too shabby 🙂
Total loss of 5Lbs so far… but i start meetings Friday 3rd Feb.
I’ve set a new goal, 10Lbs to lose in 2 weeks – before Sunday 5th Feb. those 10lbs will mean I have lost 10% of weight in 1 whole year.
Which isn’t too bad after the rubbish back and forth I had from July til now.
wish me luck… couple more weeks til a picture comparison… *gulp*
Okay so I weighed in on Sunday…
okay so it was a bad week BUT it’s only terrible if i let it get to me…
so I haven’t.
I’ve decided to leave my weeklies, concentrate on dailies (within 3 points below) and then if I really NEED my weeklies I shall have them in abundance…
for example if i have a craving… better if I can settle that than to deprive myself… or if the guys from work invite me out for a meal, I’m safe.
okay so the competition between my sister and I… I won the first round.
It’s every fortnight so last weeks weigh in set a benchmark for this week’s…
My sister LOST 7.5LBS!!! and I put on 2! so in order to win the weigh this week, I have to lose 10lbs… PLUS 1lbs more than my sister does *gulp*
14lbs is a brave target – i’m aiming high but not going to dwell if i don’t make it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Here we are a new year, ready for a new start.
2016 ended in a much better way than any previous year I had been on a diet… so I ended 2016 21lbs lighter than I started it. This for me is a win as I usually start the next year having put on weight.
Now the end of the year didn’t go as planned but now here I am ready to absolutely kick ass!!
I’m back at the gym, I’m smashing my 11,000 steps a day goal.
I have realised my days off I just want to sit around doing nothing, this will have to change… so lots of getting off my bum on days off…
2017 is what I can make of it…
Here I am… the week before Christmas and I’m back! New job has started. I’m on my 5th week and currently LOVING it…
the downside? The food… Biscuits, Muffins, Cakes… so much yumminess and too weak to resist!!! Okay so let’s bring everyone back up to speed here…
I have but on weight. I’ve gone back up to 307.5lbs as of last Sunday. I have entered a weight loss competition with my Sister… for the time being we are going over the next 8 weeks and the winner will get £10 from each person (£20 to go in a savings tin) then after that we are going to WW Meetings… (actual meetings, with people and everything… *Gulp*) then the winner of each fortnight gets £10 from each, again to go into a pot… after 6 months we’re opening tins and going shopping! (hopefully for new clothes cause well skinny(er)
That’s about all I can add for today… I will update on or around Next Sunday with the next weigh in installment…
This time I’m back for good…
(I’m sure my friend will keep me in check to update from now on lol)
Slowly but surely I am getting there, I have lost 5lbs since coming out of hospital, it isn’t a lot but it’s coming down and that’s the main thing.
Being out of work is causing me far more stress and has made me far more depressed that I thought it would. I’ve cancelled my gym membership as I can no longer afford it but I have been trying to get out and run and as it gets colder the want and need to stay inside in the warm is ever increasing. but I keep trying, and the craving for chocolate has started to dwindle, Diet back on track, Exercise back on track and I’ll get there.
I’m not giving up. I refuse to give up. I’ve come too far to give up now.
wouldn’t say no to having someone nag me right now…
BUT I am getting there… Slowly….