We’re All Battling Demons… My Demon is Cake…

Here we are long time no see…

I’ve been very up and down of the last few months, attempting to diet but there’s always something.

We all have reasons as to why we’re FAT Mine is I LIKE FOOD. It is literally that simple! The biggest problem with being such a fan of food is that when life starts getting me down, food is my comfort… Junk Food is the be all and end all when all I want to do is lay in bed and hide away from the world and whatever drama I have this time around.

So after being so up and down I finally weighed in… all the weight I lost at the start of the year has piled back on and then some… So I’m now weighing at my heaviest and I’m a grand total of 23st and 12lbs! (334lbs) 

I see this and it makes me want to cry… and this is what i now need to break through, I am down and depressed enough as it is, I don’t need my weight to jump on that too. Being fat is making me eat and making me fatter and this is the cycle I need to break and fast. I always start off well on diets and then I just get lazy and down and then I stop caring… A few years ago I weighed in at 305Lbs and I told myself then that that was going to be the heaviest i will EVER be… and now here I am 29lbs heavier and If i keep going this way I am just going to kill myself…
download

So…

Time to move away from all the stresses in my life and focus on being healthy. This means avoiding the life and drama’s of my friends… this might sound bad but I have enough to deal with and their issues are affecting me and that isn’t fair, that’s making me fat!

I don’t want to be the fat girl, I want to be the fit, happy healthy curvy girl!!

So here we are at the bottom step (Again) ready to work my way back up.

It’s 2018 and here I am still Heartbroken and still FAT.

I am back… it’s been what? 6 months or so?

I have had a VERY hard time getting my life together after losing my dad, I feel like I’m having a minor break down everyday.

But, I need to get healthy, my dad wouldn’t want me to spend my life eating my way into an early grave, he would like me to be happy and healthy.
So with that in mind I am dedicated to being the person I know I can be.
I have a target of 100lbs for the year, that’s just under 2lbs in a week.

This should be more than achievable, so far so good…. but we are just 4 weeks in.

wish me luck….

Health and Wellbeing… What Happened??

This post is a hard one to write.

I have been in such an awful place since September. Having a seizure and ending up in hospital and temporarily losing my ability to speak has really affected me.

I have suffered with depression for some time, About 14 years or so. But these last 6 months have been awful. I hate who I am and what happens to me, The more stressed or upset I get the more my brain seems to shut down on me and it’s the scariest thing I have ever been through. A Neurologist believes I am now suffering with Migraines as a result of the seizure and I’m finally now on Beta Blockers. I had a Blood Test in January, the message I got back said that the test was ‘fine’ but Thursday on my way to work I collapsed. I went dizzy and I was gone. The first time this has happened, I was on my own and I was scared. so No work and off to the Doctor’s. The Doctor informed me my Folic Acid levels are low which he established from the test in January.

The main reason for everything I have been doing this last year is not to be skinny but to be healthy and I feel like my body and my mind is giving up on me. I’m scared and Don’t know what to do. I’m trying to eat right but I’ve taken a step back from the gym as I’m so scared to be there and for something to happen and I get hurt or worse hurt someone else.

Part of me thinks that the Doctor’s aren’t taking me seriously but I can only go by their professional opinions on what is wrong with me. Everything is linked to the seizure and I’ve always been good with words and thoughts and now I’m  not… I’m not me.

All I want to do is cry and no one knows…
How can I tell people that I want to cry because my mind feels broken? There are people going through worse, this could be temporary…. but it might not be.

What can I do??

This is not an April Fool…

So here I am updating my blog for the first time in over 2 months (as it was pointed out to me… sorry 😦 )

So what’s been happening? I’ve been working long days and experiencing some issues that I believed were resulted in my hospital stay in September.

I’ve been going to WW meetings, actually being weighed by other people is scary, but I’m going, and still going, I had a few slip ups and I think that was stress, so in all I’ve lost 3lbs in the last 6 weeks,  I know it isn’t much but it’s something.

I saw my neurologist on Wednesday who thinks I’m suffering migraines which is causing all the issues i’m having so, i’m being put on medication for that. I’m so relieved. I can finally put my mind at rest.

So… This is just a quick update to say I am still here and still working on things.

And to celebrate spring… “Bikini body here I come” hahaha

🙂

Not the week I wanted but a good result…

I lost 4Lbs!!!

not the 14 I was aiming for but I was ill for a couple days, got sent home from work and well dropping out of routine does make things worse. but I lost the 2.5 i put on and then lost a lil more.

Not too shabby 🙂

Total loss of 5Lbs so far… but i start meetings Friday 3rd Feb.

I’ve set a new goal, 10Lbs to lose in 2 weeks – before Sunday 5th Feb. those 10lbs will mean I have lost 10% of weight in 1 whole year.

Which isn’t too bad after the rubbish back and forth I had from July til now.

wish me luck… couple more weeks til a picture comparison… *gulp*

I had a bad week…

Okay so I weighed in on Sunday…

+2Lbs

okay so it was a bad week BUT it’s only terrible if i let it get to me…
so I haven’t.

I’ve decided to leave my weeklies, concentrate on dailies (within 3 points below) and then if I really NEED my weeklies I shall have them in abundance… 
for example if i have a craving… better if I can settle that than to deprive myself… or if the guys from work invite me out for a meal, I’m safe. 

okay so the competition between my sister and I… I won the first round. 
It’s every fortnight so last weeks weigh in set a benchmark for this week’s…
My sister LOST 7.5LBS!!! and I put on 2! so in order to win the weigh this week, I have to lose 10lbs… PLUS 1lbs more than my sister does *gulp*

14lbs is a brave target – i’m aiming high but not going to dwell if i don’t make it.

🙂 

Welcome 2017!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

Here we are a new year, ready for a new start.

2016 ended in a much better way than any previous year I had been on a diet… so I ended 2016 21lbs lighter than I started it. This for me is a win as I usually start the next year having put on weight.

Now the end of the year didn’t go as planned but now here I am ready to absolutely kick ass!!

I’m back at the gym, I’m smashing my 11,000 steps a day goal.
I have realised my days off I just want to sit around doing nothing, this will have to change… so lots of getting off my bum on days off…

2017 is what I can make of it…

Food
Exercise
Enviroment